I Don’t Like Rainy Days

No offense to you rainy day lovers – there’s probably a lot of you. Don’t lash at me (everyone does) about the nice smell and the cool air and the dark skies… yeah, I personally don’t like that kind of weather. It’s exactly the smell and the cold and the clouds that I dislike, and I’d say the main reason is because they make me feel uncomfortable and depressed – mostly the darkness.

Now today is Friday (okay it was yesterday because I’m writing this at 12:30 am) but it was pouring. I don’t particularly hate Fridays, but they’re not my favorite days, although it is relieving to know it’s the last day of the week before the short weekend. Anyways, I was already kinda having negative feelings about myself (I will go into detail later in this post) and the setting I mentioned earlier just amplified those feelings and I almost started crying – actually I broke down when I got home. It probably sounds ridiculous, but I really am hating life right now. (AND DON’T WORRY I’M NOT GOING TO HURT MYSELF OR COMMIT SUICIDE, so don’t think about asking.)

This will probably sound like any other person you meet, but I feel useless. I feel like people don’t care about me, like the world could do without me existing. I have mentioned this before in another (probably multiple) post before this, but I notice things about people’s behavior around me – how they treat me, each other, fooling around, etc. I’m not trying to sound self-centered, but I’m one of those people who just has problems making friends and who gets really butthurt over it. :\

Typing this out really makes me sound like an attention-seeker, but I’m honestly not like that. I just want to find a friend who will support me but who also needs me in some situations. I have those friends, but after starting high school (even though we go to the same school), I feel as if I’ve been pulled away from them because of our different lunch periods and social media. I’m missing out on so much just because of a single half-hour 5 days a week, but that time really does add up significantly. And please don’t just tell me to “make more friends” because that’s what I’m TRYING to do. And yes, I have made more friends, but nobody I feel close to, comfortable talking to about lots of things. Main reason being that the people I eat lunch with all knew each other before HS so I’m like “the outsider” and I don’t know anything about anyone.

But moving on to my friend group from middle school… It took me 3 years to become close friends with everyone and it will probably take me another 3 years to become close with anyone but other people “the group” has just met became best friends in a matter of a few weeks. And I’m not against them or anything, but it just hurts that it took me so long to be “accepted” and now I feel like I’m being thrown out and replaced in a way. I can’t change my lunch period which would be ridiculous anyways for such a purpose and even if I did, they would just mock me for being so “shallow” that I would change my schedule. I also feel like they plan things and talk about things without including me and don’t care enough to enlighten me on what’s going on. “They’re not your real friends, then” you say? Well I still consider them my friends – close friends even – but I’m just not in that kind of position.

I practically feel like an outsider for everything, yet everyone else fits in so well and so quickly. I don’t WANT to have all the attention, but you know, it would be nice to have friends who actually care about my feelings and aren’t fake when they give you a slightly-concerned, “Oh, that sucks. If you need anything let me know,” and then act as if nothing really happened. I’m not one of those cool introvert people who does everything perfectly and doesn’t need anyone to support me. I’m only human, and I have feelings that nobody thinks are important.

And this is what happens on rainy days. Yeah. Very depressing, I guess. I’m not asking you guys to sympathize or anything, this post is just to get it off of my mind and share if any of you feel like you can relate or join in on laughing at my misery. Okay, that was a bit unnecessary, sorry. There will probably be a few more posts like this because I’m “at that age…” (what adults say to me) that I get these feelings.

Hopefully I can just look back at this in the future and laugh (with joy).

Sayonara! ~Annabeth♥

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14 thoughts on “I Don’t Like Rainy Days

  1. It’s times like this maybe it’s good that the high school I go to, not much people know each other. People from all over the state come in so it’s almost like a new set of people.
    I do find it easy to make friends, however I do believe that it takes me years to really deepen that friendship.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s lovely that you acknowledge your feelings and go out on here to explain that you know what it sounds like to us on the internet. That kind of honesty is really admirable in my opinion!
    Sometimes I hate rainy days because it gets cold and the darkness also makes me feel unsafe. But if I’m at home and not outside, I might just fall asleep to it because of the amazing belief that blankets, pillows, and a mattress protect me at night…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I feel like my blog has turned more into a place where I just post rants and depressing stuff even though it’s supposed to be fun and interactive. xD But thanks, I’m glad to hear that you don’t think I’m a stupid attention-seeker from this post. Actually I’m kind of already laughing at myself a little for making such a gloomy post (for like the 500th time).
      I like staying inside on rainy days, like on the weekend, but not really on school days. I totally agree on that though; napping is one of the best pleasures in the world. xP

      Liked by 1 person

  3. HI!1!1!1! First of all, sorry I’m a month late.. lol, I’m always late. Second of all, I wish I could relate.. lol.. but I’m sure you will find a good friend. It just takes a little bit. But You’re so awesome, I’m surprised you don’t have a million friends. And if you don’t find any friends. You still have your pals on your blog. I know I’m not helping… Also, excuse my grammar,

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, it’s ok, I haven’t really been active until recently. It’s fine, I’ve made lots of new friends. 🙂 And yeah, I’m glad I still have my blogging friends, too. Thanks for the support! ❤

      Like

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