Warning: This is a quite awkward “love” life story… I wasn’t sure if my readers were interested in this part of my life, but here it is. xP
So, basically, some of us get crushes on boys (or girls) right? Well, this one guy, let’s call him A and this other boy, let’s call him S both have a crush on me. I’ve known A since 4th grade and we’ve been really close friends. I think he’s “liked” me for a few years now, and only a few months ago did I return the feelings. No, he hasn’t asked me out yet, but I did tell people I would say yes if he did. Although now… I just don’t feel that way. But let’s talk about that later.
Anyways, let’s get this straight first… I HATE when people stare at me. It’s just been a pet peeve of mine. So… it’s complicated but last year, A sat across from me at lunch and he would always be staring at me, and when I’d ask him why, he always said, “I tend to blank out a lot,” or, “I was staring at the wall behind you.” I knew he was lying (I hate liars too xD) but I didn’t let it bother me too much. He was my closest friend, too. And basically, when he started sitting next to me, he stopped “blanking out” and I automatically assumed he had liked me (ya know, liked as in the gf-bf way?); my assumption was right on the dot. Well… he’s really funny and I liked hanging out with him. Eventually, his personality just… caught my interest?
Well, this S, he tends to stare at me too. (I guess people just stare at the people they have a crush on?) S sits right next to me in History and when he stares, I have no idea if it’s at me or if it’s at my work (I think he also tends to cheat…?) Anyways, I don’t really like S very much. He’s nice and all, but he really never talks to me, and I find it awkward that someone who doesn’t know me happens to have a crush on me AND sometimes he can be super annoying and scolds me (or harshly questions me) on the things I do, like why I yell at people or why I don’t like certain people… so yeah, you get the point, I don’t really think of S more than an acquaintance. (I don’t hate him, but I don’t like him either..)
So, recently, you know I had my problem… and I just don’t seem “attracted” to A anymore. It’s more of… I feel awkward around him and I just don’t want to be near him? I know it sounds a bit rude, but for the past week I just felt… I dunno. So I know he’s not gonna ask me out anytime soon (because he’s too scared), but if he does… I don’t even know if I want to say yes anymore. Maybe that’s just because of all the stress and stuff, but I don’t know how long this indecisiveness will last, and I don’t know what the decision would end up being, but… I just feel kind of bad all of a sudden. Like, I just don’t feel like being near him, and I kind of avoided him a little bit today (and I think he noticed) but then in the end of the day I felt more comfortable around him? Although I still don’t know if I want to become a couple…
Anyways, that’s about all the juicy stuff I can get for you today on my “love” life.