These Days…

I’ve felt unusually… glum. ._.

Ok, before I got on, I’ll inform you all who actually are interested.. that I deleted a lot of pages.  If you’re unsatisfied with the changes I made, feel free to tell me in the comments.

Alright, so, only read this if you’re prepared for yet more “ranting”.  If you hate me for posting depressing posts, I’m sorry.  ._.

So… how to explain… Do you ever have those days where you just seem annoyed with everything for no reason?  Like, hormones?  I don’t know, it’s just… ever since a few days ago, I just feel pretty mad at everything… and I can’t even explain to myself the reasons.  Well, there are other reasons to why I’m upset… or maybe they were caused from my ‘depression’.

Quite honestly, I think my blog’s been having problems.  People are telling me they can’t like or comment on my posts, which is a bit upsetting, since I enjoy talking to people… especially at times like this.  I should probably e-mail WordPress, but I’m not sure if everyone’s having the same problem with my posts… also… I’m quite stupid because I have no idea how to contact WordPress.  @_@

Anyways, I have Japanese finals THIS SATURDAY and I get the content but I’m AWFUL at studying.  I just don’t know any methods I could use that aren’t boring.  TnT  I’m TRYING but I just can’t focus.  And lately, it’s been hard enough for me to focus on my own homework!  I’m just feeling so unmotivated, I just want to go and disappear somewhere.  The hormones or whatever’s making me feel this way just… I feel like everyone hates me and I just don’t want to talk to anyone.  (Ironic that I’m writing a post for 130 people to see.)  I mean, I know you people don’t hate me (I hope), but I just can’t even help feeling this way.  Whenever I try to convince myself it’s just hormones… my brain just doesn’t seem to push the feeling away.

I FAILED my vocab test, which I studied on.  I feel like I’m just not trying hard enough in school even though I get like 6 hours of sleep a night.  I’m just so stressed AND now I’m depressed as well.  The teachers are giving me so much homework I just feel so behind.  I still have all A’s but still… I just feel so negative that part of me keeps telling myself they’ll all go down the sewer by the end of the year, and the other part of me keeps telling myself just half a schoolyear left (well that’s still a lot of time).  Then I think way off into high school and college and jobs… and I’m just like “How tf do people survive all this and get into good colleges with like 4.0 GPA and work at really high-expectance jobs.  Like, it’s life, how do people do so much??”  And I just feel so slow and useless, like I won’t make a difference in the world whether I tried or not (of course I won’t give up though).

And another thing… I don’t want to be around people… Like, even the guy I have a crush  on… I just don’t want to be around him.  And I feel like he noticed.  .-.  I don’t even feel like hanging around friends… I just want to cry in a corner for NO APPARENT REASON AT ALL.  Why does life have to be so awkward?  Why am I so annoyed with everything lately?  The world may never know.  I’m honest-to-goodness trying to convince myself that nothing’s wrong with my life, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to shake off the feeling of despair and stress and annoyance and rejection.  I hope this is just an awful phase, and I’m assuming it will appear quite a bit, later in life.

I’m sorry for those who read this whole post and got depressed, or even started hating me for this.  Honestly, I’m not trying to be an attention whore with these depressing posts, but I just need to get these feelings off my shoulders.  It’s just too much of a burden for me to keep all this shut up inside.  I truly do apologize if these posts are annoying, I’ll try my best to “look at the bright side” and start posting more cheerful posts.

Sayonara! ~chbannabeth1♥

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60 thoughts on “These Days…

        1. Tomorrow’s Friday, yes, that’s good. But I also have Japanese finals the day after and I’m super stressed because it’s a lot we’ve covered and a lot I have to review.

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    1. I got… a 78 on vocab.. from getting just 3 wrong. That’s like a C. My parents don’t usually get mad at me for my grades, I’d say I’m the hardest on myself, even when it comes to getting a B. And a 97 is still an A+ I believe. xP

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      1. I feel like ranting is actually good. Not in a sense that you should be upset, but more in a sense that it’s good to get your feelings out. Ya know? Keeping things locked inside can hurt more than letting it out and annoying people.

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    1. Thanks. 😉 I’m glad I can talk to y’all. Sometimes I can’t even tell my parents this kind of stuff. TnT I appreciate the support. It’s just… I’ve experienced moods like this before (random, unexplained depression) but I don’t remember it being to this extent. I just want it to go way because I know there’s absolutely no reason for me to feel this way, I just do. ._.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Eh, I felt like this a few days ago; I didn’t tell my irl friends (lmao like I have any… Inside joke), I didn’t tell my parents, but I did tell one person. And after talking to this person I felt way better after telling her. Just make sure you tell one person; you’ll feel better 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  1. the problem is only for mobile I guess
    works fine on cp
    I know exactly how you feel
    Some days I just get pissed off at everyone and absolutely everything but I hate it when people think something is wrong with me or if I’m going through depression so I juts fake being normal and hopefully no one notices

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I try not to make it obvious. I have no reason to be annoyed with people… it just happens. I hope nobody asks me about it, cuz I don’t want to break down for no reason in front of them… at school…

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        1. Aw. I had a breakdown for like 3 days in a row and my friends were always like, “What’s wrong?” and I just refused to talk to anyone. I even had to go to the principal’s office it was so bad. She’s good at talking though, I felt better afterwards.

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    1. It’s probably most people’s world. I kinda feel bad now that I think about it… that I’m ranting about something like this when other people in the world are probably suffering a lot more.

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          1. Well I don’t wanna be rude so I talk, but I rarely start conversations anymore.
            I don’t spam people with messages much on fantage now either.

            Liked by 1 person

        1. Nah, it’s not spamming. It’s nice to have people to talk to. If anything, this whole post is spam, cuz I bet a lot of followers don’t want to read this for many reasons. 1) It’s really long. 2) It’s depressing. 3) People don’t always look at my posts.

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    1. That’s a much easier way to sum this whole post up. It’s also been rainy the past few weeks, and for some reason rain makes me feel even MORE glum. I know we’re in a drought where I live.. and rain is good… but it just makes me feel so depressed… and dark.

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  2. Good things will come. Maybe your going through a dark path, but wait until you see a light; an opportunity to come out, and see the sunshine again. It’s only natural that that happens to everyone; that’s one of life challenges. Keep in mind that your blog can also be somewhere so speak up and not only pretend everything is all right. 😉

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    1. Thanks for the kind words. 😉 I’m trying to look at the bright side, but everything’s just so stressful at the moment. The teacher tried to teach us a whole history chapter in like 45 minutes o.o and gave us a test 2 days afterwards. -.- School just keeps pushing stuff on us, and I have like no time to study for Japanese with all this school stuff in the way.

      Liked by 1 person

            1. But that just takes up more time lmao. It’s not so much that I get distracted with YouTube, but more of getting distracted with WordPress. But even when I’m NOT getting distracted, the work still takes me forever and it just seems endless. Like I’ll finish one thing, then think about all the other homework I have to do and I just want to throw something.

              Liked by 1 person

  3. After a storm, there is always a rainbow. I am sure you are just going through a phase, and your life will seem much brighter after this. 🙂
    I understand how you feel though, since sometimes I just feel really bad for a while, and feel sad about the simplest things (weird I know). But I am sure you’ll be fine, just try to stay positive. 🙂

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  4. To be honest, I think you should contact WordPress. I have the same problem too with your post (when using reader) so I go on your web, which is amazing by the way 🙂 .

    If you need someone to talk to, I’ll always be here. I mean, I’m an Embarrassed Heart who always regrets the things I do and too scared to say anything. I don’t want people feeling sad. You could always email me if you’re really miserable. I’ll try to make your day and help you in any way I can 🙂 .

    Believe in yourself – I’ve had terrible test too and I’m always so anxious I’ll be kicked out of my class (because we are ranked). I walk around, scream a little, shed a tear and try better next time. That’s how I try to live because… I’m a pretty sad person in real life. Well, I was.

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