I’ve felt unusually… glum. ._.
Ok, before I got on, I’ll inform you all who actually are interested.. that I deleted a lot of pages. If you’re unsatisfied with the changes I made, feel free to tell me in the comments.
Alright, so, only read this if you’re prepared for yet more “ranting”. If you hate me for posting depressing posts, I’m sorry. ._.
So… how to explain… Do you ever have those days where you just seem annoyed with everything for no reason? Like, hormones? I don’t know, it’s just… ever since a few days ago, I just feel pretty mad at everything… and I can’t even explain to myself the reasons. Well, there are other reasons to why I’m upset… or maybe they were caused from my ‘depression’.
Quite honestly, I think my blog’s been having problems. People are telling me they can’t like or comment on my posts, which is a bit upsetting, since I enjoy talking to people… especially at times like this. I should probably e-mail WordPress, but I’m not sure if everyone’s having the same problem with my posts… also… I’m quite stupid because I have no idea how to contact WordPress. @_@
Anyways, I have Japanese finals THIS SATURDAY and I get the content but I’m AWFUL at studying. I just don’t know any methods I could use that aren’t boring. TnT I’m TRYING but I just can’t focus. And lately, it’s been hard enough for me to focus on my own homework! I’m just feeling so unmotivated, I just want to go and disappear somewhere. The hormones or whatever’s making me feel this way just… I feel like everyone hates me and I just don’t want to talk to anyone. (Ironic that I’m writing a post for 130 people to see.) I mean, I know you people don’t hate me (I hope), but I just can’t even help feeling this way. Whenever I try to convince myself it’s just hormones… my brain just doesn’t seem to push the feeling away.
I FAILED my vocab test, which I studied on. I feel like I’m just not trying hard enough in school even though I get like 6 hours of sleep a night. I’m just so stressed AND now I’m depressed as well. The teachers are giving me so much homework I just feel so behind. I still have all A’s but still… I just feel so negative that part of me keeps telling myself they’ll all go down the sewer by the end of the year, and the other part of me keeps telling myself just half a schoolyear left (well that’s still a lot of time). Then I think way off into high school and college and jobs… and I’m just like “How tf do people survive all this and get into good colleges with like 4.0 GPA and work at really high-expectance jobs. Like, it’s life, how do people do so much??” And I just feel so slow and useless, like I won’t make a difference in the world whether I tried or not (of course I won’t give up though).
And another thing… I don’t want to be around people… Like, even the guy I have a crush on… I just don’t want to be around him. And I feel like he noticed. .-. I don’t even feel like hanging around friends… I just want to cry in a corner for NO APPARENT REASON AT ALL. Why does life have to be so awkward? Why am I so annoyed with everything lately? The world may never know. I’m honest-to-goodness trying to convince myself that nothing’s wrong with my life, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to shake off the feeling of despair and stress and annoyance and rejection. I hope this is just an awful phase, and I’m assuming it will appear quite a bit, later in life.
I’m sorry for those who read this whole post and got depressed, or even started hating me for this. Honestly, I’m not trying to be an attention whore with these depressing posts, but I just need to get these feelings off my shoulders. It’s just too much of a burden for me to keep all this shut up inside. I truly do apologize if these posts are annoying, I’ll try my best to “look at the bright side” and start posting more cheerful posts.